Go Beyond Gambling
I went to Las Vegas for gaming and play, but it's not the kind of "gaming" and "play" that you might be thinking of. Gambling is not my favorite thing to do because math is not my strong suit. Las Vegas offers lots of places to indulge in playfulness for adults that has nothing to do with slots or cards. The buzz of excitement you feel comes not from winning big bucks, it comes from letting your inner child run wild.
I knew exactly where I wanted to go after landing at the airport, back in time. I was immediately greeted with the Ghostbusters' Ectomobile in the parking lot of the Back to the 80s Cafe. The walls, seating, and tables of this funky little joint are splashed in teal and fuchsia; the halls are festooned with '80s movie posters. I had a totally rad cherry-flavored Slush Puppie (the real deal) and some Adult Chicken Strips from my Peewee Herman-themed corner. I was told to check out the adjacent barroom with life-size Killer Klown and Star Wars figures, adult beverages, and vintage video gaming systems. After a quick glance, it was time to go back to the future (pun definitely intended).
I had a moment to drop my bags at Luxor Hotel & Casino at the southern end of The Strip before heading all the way to the north of the city. As an ancient Egypt geek, I was elated to stay here in the actual pyramid's rooms. The elevators in the pyramid are in fact inclinators that travel at a 39 degree angle. It can be hard not to feel the strange sideways movement especially after a cocktail or two.
A quick ride on the city's monorail system took me to the Arts District near where the Punk Rock Museum resides. The museum is dedicated to the raw history of punk rock music. Rode-hard studded leather jackets sit eerily quiet from their former lives behind glass and on the walls between absolutely stunning photography from concerts. When you're in the whirling chaos of a show, you can't see these still moments of beauty and emotion, so these photos are pure art. I gawked for minutes at Wendy O Williams sawed-in-half guitar with a photo of the moment it happened.
After traveling through the decades of punk, visitors can get a real tattoo in the tattoo parlor, or pick up and play a guitar in the Jam Room. I was asked by a staffer if I wanted to play and declined because I'm just a professional listener. After enjoying the museum, I stopped for a Vegas as F*ck Beer in the bar (though the cocktail in a full-size Pringles can looked very appetizing). The bar area and bathrooms are coated every inch in stickers as they should be for authenticity.
I wasn't done with punk quite yet. I walked a few blocks to the Arts District to the Barter Beer + Mall where bi-weekly Punk Rock Bingo was being held. The funky flea market held treasures from past decades and had lots of Vegas flair. After perusing the racks of records, Elvis Presley art, and Punks for Pussies Cat & Kitten Rescue, I settled down with my bingo card which came with a beer. I didn't win, but only because I had to leave the game early to make it to the next event on time.
The beautiful Beverley Theater was the scene for the Found Footage Festival, my favorite VHS and public access duo who were on tour from their home-base in Brooklyn. The weird and raunchy showcase of strange clips from bygone tapes elicited lots of laughs and gasps from the house. The lovely, fresh playhouse was no match for these wild bits.
After the showcase, I walked through the real neon-lit streets of the Arts District for a nightcap at a local watering hole. The Stray Pirate was the nearest tiki bar, and it did not disappoint. Walking into the bar was like walking into a sunken pirate ship. Sea creatures swam past all of the windows. I asked what they had that would be lit aflame (which every good tiki bar should have), and The Painkiller was it. The bartender created a fiery display; the scent of slightly charred cinnamon wafted forth from the fruity drink. I headed to the booty throne in the corner with a dearly departed pirate still hanging around to get a proper selfie. I have found that the best tiki bars you find are the farthest away from the ocean, and this desert oasis did not disappoint.
Pinball Wizard
The next day began with a sun-drenched walk to the Pinball Hall of Fame. This was so much more than a few pinball machines tucked away in the corner of a bar; rows upon rows of pinball machines, arcade games, and Trump fortune telling machines filled the building. I was most attracted to the band-themed pinball machines, but there were other attractions that I got a little obsessed over. The Nicktoons Racing game made that '90s kid nostalgia rise up in my heart. I gave myself a money limit because I would otherwise spend all day here…and there were so many more things on the agenda.
I made a quick stop at the ever-growing Area15 for a few more arcade games at Asylum Arcade and to feel like I walked into a music video inside Museum Fiasco. However, I really came for Liftoff. After grabbing a spicy margarita, I boarded the craft and buckled in. Liftoff lifts its riders, drinks in hand, up in the air over 100 feet. The sun was still out, and you could see for miles to the mountains surrounding the city and its suburbs. I'm not fearful of heights, but my hand was a tad shaky picking up my beverage for high-altitude pictures, my feet dangling with just air below them. A thrilling, yet serene 10 minutes came to an end, and I boarded the fun Area15 courtesy vehicle to the brand new world a block away.
Universal Horror Unleashed already had a crowd at opening time this afternoon. It's not just a scary walk through. From the posters on the foreboding walls, you learn that an abandoned Universal Picture's warehouse has been dealing with strange happenings. The dusty, cobweb-draped boxes of props from Universal's most horrifying films seem to be spreading their curses to the poor souls who choose to enter here. Are the haunt's customers here to help stop it? Or have they been recruited to feed the creatures within?
Upon entering, a smoking, heaving boiler towers over the bar where people enjoy a bevy of scare-themed drinks. The glowing machine looked so foreboding, and it occasionally bellowed and steamed. I'm pretty sure the Holy Water cocktail I had was anything but holy. Smokey mezcal wafted from the glass well before I drank from it. A few crashes of thunder signaled the entrance of a troupe of vampire ladies who flew overhead effortlessly and hissed at those who got too close. This area held the classic Universal Monsters Haunt that I eventually strode through. I loved that there weren't just monsters here (though there were plenty of them waiting for prey). This haunt had some narrative parts like townsfolk warning of incoming danger and Dr. Frankenstein unveiling his tall monster who leapt off the table.
There were three more haunts to visit, but I thoroughly enjoyed watching the free roaming maniacs, monsters, and even victims interact with the normies. Some people were absolutely terrified by them and could not be convinced to enter any haunts. That person weakly gesturing to you from the corner in tattered clothes? Are they actors or something else? I think The Creature From the Black Lagoon was hiding from Texas Chainsaw Massacre's Leatherface and his homicidal sister. Wayward screams rip through the din so violently, you'd think those were the paid actors. I was gifted a box of popcorn just to watch the hilarious goings-on. I may have pointed out some scaredy cats to the bloodied perpetrators to pick on.
I also stuck around for some of the shows that took place in Jack's Alley. Jack the Clown and his posse of sexy sinister clown ladies made a hapless "contestant" dance for her life. Me and several other onlookers were pulled on stage to vote on whether she lived or died, but the joke was on us; both sides of our vote cards led to her slaying. I easily spent several hours here just enjoying the scene. Every few minutes, something new was going on.
From the spooky realms of Universal Horror Unleashed, I traveled to the Venetian, where the skies are perpetually blue over the grand canal. This is the home of one of the locations of 1923 Prohibition Bar. This particular location had a special show that, and it came with a captain's hat. The Docksiders were set to perform songs of the yacht rock era to a sold-out room. Adults who grew up in that era and those who can only dream about it enjoyed watching '70s sitcom title sequences before the big band took the stage. A short video explained the impressive qualifications of the band members just before they burst onto the stage and explained that there are dedicated dance areas "because the best of the '70s and '80s deserve some dancing."
Kevin Sucher led his incredible band through songs including "If I Can't Have You" and "Sailing" with high energy and great choreography. There was hardly anyone in the crowd not singing, dancing, or applauding like mad. I think that every lady including me sang along to the chorus of "Hopelessly Devoted." During "Escape (the Pina Colada Song)," one of the musicians held up a well-timed sign that read "Cheaters," and I nearly did a spit-take. That may have been the influence of the Maui Mai Tai though. I have seen a lot of tribute bands in my time, and The Docksiders was exceptional in verve and energy.
A winding walk down the canal brought me to my final stop for the night, but it may have gotten my heart pumping the most (which is saying a lot considering the day). Spiegelworld's Atomic Saloon Show is an immersive experience that titillates with strong drinks and stronger language. It is the wild west, after all.
I grabbed a quick drink at the show's secret bar Cow Hide before entering the church where the show was to take place. The Cowbell Intolerante with Bulleit Rye, Benedictine, and Lillett seemed like the ultimate combination of manly whiskey and ladylike bubbly. This old west speakeasy offered only a momentary respite from the extremity to come.
The packed house settled into the saloon as two passing nuns handed out sips of wine that they also imbibed (perhaps that's why they stripped down later). The colorful cast of characters (whip-cracking madames, romantically-adventurous cowboys, and horny handymen) took this riveted crowd through the ins, outs, ups, and downs of their little town with extreme hula-hooping, sexy dancing, and skin galore. I caught a performer's shirt with my face while others caught flying bread rolls with their drink glasses. The glitter and sequins of the barely-there costumes of the ladies dazzled the eyes, and stripping guys were so close that you could see each bead of sweat roll off their abs. I've never seen the use of a rotating angled pole before, but it really allowed the leather-clad cowboy to…entertain us in the front row from an interesting angle. The Atomic Saloon Show is a wildly entertaining bawdy romp through the Old West that is sensory overload and embodies the spirit of Las Vegas.
Sweating Out the Vice
A bit of relaxation and detox was required after such a raucous yesterday. Bright and early, I headed to Lapis Spa & Wellness at the palatial Fontainebleau Las Vegas for just that. It's easy to see why Fontainebleau Las Vegas is one of the most talked about resort/casinos in the city right now. Just walking through the main floor to Lapis Spa felt luxurious. I experienced this spa with the Celestial Waters Day Pass that offers several elements available in the communal spa. I was especially looking forward to the Aufguss service, a sauna ceremony led by our nation's champion Joli Irvine.
Lapis Spa begins in the Ladies or Mens Lounge where fluffy robes take the place of constricting street clothes and phones are relinquished in pursuit of mental reset. In the Ladies Lounge, I noshed on provided snacks like nuts, fruit, and hot tea while laying about on a plush couch. Going beyond the lounge into the co-ed spa floor (where all must wear swimwear), there were many ways to treat the body. The Himalayan Salt Room, Herbal Aromatherapy Room, infrared and steam saunas feed the body's senses like a buffet. And then it was time for Aufguss in the Event Sauna.
About ten of us walked into the ultra-heated sauna and took a seat. Joli explained that the 15-minute ritual combines ice balls placed on hot stones with a course of herbs while visuals of serene landscapes scrolled across the TV. She manifested the scented steam from the stones and whirled gorgeously to new age music, keeping her towel magically rectangular as she wafted the steam directly into each person's face. Aufguss sounds lovely, but it's not for those who can't stand such heat. This event gets up to 180 degrees. You read that right. Not everyone stayed the entire 15 minutes, and I had doubts about if I could make it. My body sweated from every pore; I felt like I turned into liquid. Finally, Joli led us in some gentle stretches and told us to meet her in the 60 degree cold plunge upon exiting. Some of us did, including me, and I can't explain the strange feeling of extreme heat to extreme cold. I will say that we did bond over this.
I spent the next few hours softly going from the pool-size bubbling hot tub with massaging jets to the snow shower to the lounge with more nibbles. Another feature that I was excited to see was the Stargazing Lounge where luxury resting lounges awaited with blankets for you to look up at the pulsing fiber optic stars above. The staff member said that one could take a nap in here, and I fought falling asleep. A drop of hot coffee, and I was ready to leave Lapis Spa for another packed day of adventure and play.
Hidden behind an inconspicuous wall at Spiegelworld's Superfrico, Ski Lodge is a charming, cozy lodge bar with wintry night views behind the bar. The walls are papered with dollar bills, stickers, and cheeky signs. Cute snow-covered tree lamps provide warm light on the bar and tables. Upbeat music of the '80s and '90s proved exactly what kind of clientele this secretive bar appeals to, and it was in fact busy. Ski Lodge is like a fun dive bar in the north where you trekked through mounds of snow for a cold drink and warm conversation.
I had the Radness Not Sadness because wasabi-infused vodka, pepperoncini, cocchi American and celery sounded intriguing. The pepper had a delightful dollop of whipped cream. My photos belie the darkness of the room; I required the light of the tree lamp to get them. The Snow Storm was recommended as the next drink, and it was interesting temperature wise. This espresso drink has hot coconut foam basking atop a chilled sumptuous cocktail with just enough kick to get you to the next place.
Play Playground had been looming in Luxor since I arrived there, and I finally had the chance to get my game on. It was a busy day as I imagine most days are. Every adult was getting into the variety of grown up-sized games and having the best time. I easily made friends with some locals to partner with for Move It, Ringer Run, High Five, and Word Up. I took on the bounce house which was actually a maze and made it through, and the balloon room was perfect for picture taking.
All of this activity makes one hungry and thirsty. The Rubber Ducky Drop combined tequila, lemon juice, and agave nectar with the most sumptuous pineapple lemon foam. It was populated with candy rubber ducks that provided a fun crunch. This paired so playfully with the Chicken 'N' Waffle Sandwich and tots served in a vintage metal lunchbox! I've got a few of these myself, but I never thought about using them to serve meals. This dish is part of the new brunch offerings that can come with bottomless breakfast cocktails (think mimosas and Marys). The overfilled waffle sandwich had two juicy fried chicken tenders and a well seasoned fried egg that got me ready to take on more challenges. The Poker Parkour swinging pendulum game was a crowd favorite. Very few could make it through without being knocked off the balance beam. I think that the Perfect Popper Paloma I had next with tequila, pamplemousse, boba, and popping candy made it actually easier to accomplish because you don't overthink your next move.
At dusk, I made my way to the Linq Promenade for a few interesting drink experiences before dinner. Dream Box 360 had a virtual Booze Cruise that came with a captain's hat. Inside the room, the walls transformed into beachy scenes: pretty people partying on boats, peaceful beaches, and crashing waves. We were served four picture-perfect cocktails in a flight, and each seemed more delicious than the last. A spicy-rimmed mojito, an extra boozy frozen colada, whip-topped Blue Hawaiian, and a dessert-like Dole Whip. Festive tropical music played while I quickly sipped each beverage, making sure I had enough time for all the fun ahead.
Adjacent to Dream Box 360 is one of the multiple Minus5 Ice Bar locations. From beachy scenes to fluffy coats and gloves, this bar is frigid and so fun. The entire barroom is lined in ice blocks, and they are beset with popular figures and themes. Picture an ice Demogorgan and Vecna alongside a London-themed corner. I grabbed a drink from the bar that came in an ice glass, of course, and enjoyed meandering the chilly room playing with the scenes. I was ready to head off to dinner, but not before picking up a towering Dole Whip dessert bejeweled with Nerds Clusters. I did not anticipate so many people drooling over this drink and asking where to get it.
Diner Ross Steakhouse may be one of the strangest dinners I've ever had, and I absolutely say that in a loving way. This restaurant is one of Spiegelworld's concepts. Walking up the gritty staircase that resembles a New York City subway platform, I arrived at a hot dog cart to enter Diner Ross. I didn't exist in the '70s, but I believe the rich browns, forest greens, and nary an inch of wall not covered with a celebrity photo or book or boombox or Sesame Street character seemed a fairly accurate portrayal of a Manhattan diner of the era; an obnoxious tour group even wandered in to take pictures.
I sampled many items including some newer specials. Starting off strong and smokey with the Smokey & The Bandit sesame-infused whiskey cocktail, it was an easy transition to the earthiness of the Roasted Baby Beets with feta in an orange vinaigrette. A sampling of off-menu blistered shishito peppers and awesome andouille sausage arrived as well because the kitchen here loves to experiment with flavor. The pickled red onion added the utmost refreshment to the andouille, a combo I would not have imagined. The peppers had a hint of citrus to cut the natural heat.
The main event of Steelhead Trout seemed to come with a side of two dancing disco balls that burst into the room. Back to the food, the juicy fillet of fish was served crispy skin side up. Big capers add zing, marcona almonds add crunch, and onion strings add depth. A spritz of lemon sets off the dish even more, bright and buttery. This was a perfect example of what Diner Ross is all about on one plate: balanced in its extremes, adventurous, and unforgettable. But wait, there's more.
Just when I thought I couldn't take any more, a carving board with four gorgeous desserts came out, and it was all so good, I'd rather take the ache than let it go (though I did take a lot home). A Key Lime Cheesecake Pop that resembles an ice cream bar atop key lime curd, a Chai-Spiced Tres Leche Cake, crème brûlée, and an upside-down vanilla ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles. As I flitted between the four, my attention was broken by a crooning rat on the bar being chased by the rat catcher. At this time, I desperately needed a caffeine kick to make sure I wasn't just going crazy. For the New Orleans girl, they brought out a Bananas Foster Carajillo made with brown butter, real charred bananas that are infused with Licor 43, and espresso.
Diner Ross Steakhouse is overtly odd and quietly genius; I would love this as my epitaph. An immersive and theatrical environment still can't overtop the one-of-a-kind food and drink.
I returned to 1923 Prohibition Bar for a regular weekly event designed by the proprietor, a native Louisianian. NOLA Night has a piano man taking song requests, a singing server, and a hot burlesque dancer that create a lively atmosphere. The lounge had sensual dim lighting and cozy seats to sink into as Wes Meadows tickled the keys and sipped a Camp Fire Old Fashioned. The smoked bourbon and chocolate bitters were overwhelming to the nose, and a cute charred marshmallow was the garnish.
Mr. Meadows was kind enough to perform Black Sabbath's "Changes" for me, and he did a beautiful job, but I think that his rendition of "Vienna" was provocative. Our dancing lady whirled around the room getting up close and personal with the crowd as she stripped in a sultry manner. I requested just one more song, the one that inspired one of my tattoos, and got a really cool video of it for the 'Gram. I literally could take no more of this indulgent Las Vegas hospitality for the day and rode the monorail back to my pyramid.
A Few More Amusements
On this final day of fun, I was invited to Flyover. Although I had seen pictures, I didn't entirely understand what was to come. Some people on my ride said that they were back for more after being highly impressed with their previous experience. We watched an informative narrated story about how the west was formed before entering the main area. We were sat in a row of seats and strapped in. The floor moved backwards (or the seats forward) into a round screen, your feet seemingly dangling over vast vistas as you flew over them.
We ventured into the Wonders of the American West, soaring over mountains and lakes through clouds and over the sparkling city of Las Vegas. This experience was totally immersive with the seats moving gently like a bird flying, air flowing over you, and watery mist spraying you to emulate the mist of a waterfall or the clouds. Even scents like fire and herbs emanated when the scene showed campouts and Native American ceremonies.
Flyover wasn't just fun, it was impressive. Dare I say, it elicited emotions from me. Seeing the rugged natural beauty and incredible architectural feats of man plopped into an unforgiving landscape from this vantage point was truly inspiring. It made me feel a deeper sense of appreciation for our natural world, and this is just one small part of it.
The Mob Museum was very popular today. Luckily, I had a few hands-on experiences to enjoy before going through the museum. I entered the Crime Lab where multiple exhibits explain how crimes get solved using science. We were tasked with matching bullets to determine the smoking gun, determine what skull endured what trauma, and study (virtual) corpses to solve the crime. The Distillery Tasting was a palate cleanser. Our teacher explained how Prohibition made imbibing perhaps even more popular, and The Mob made a lot of money during it. About $12 million, in fact. As we learned about the legal loopholes for providing booze (the church, certain ailments…) and how illicit booze was made and moved, we sipped upon several housemade delicacies. Huckleberry Hideout Moonshine seemed to be the favorite.
The museum itself explains organized crime through the decades from humble beginnings to the creation of Las Vegas to public arrests and gruesome murders. Along the way, you could roll loaded dice and listen to secret recordings the federal government captured to put mobsters behind bars.
Just before boarding the red-eye flight, there was one more thing to do. Swingers - The Crazy Golf Club was the last blowout on the list. This is not your average mini golf. The swanky art deco-inspired, hip emporium is geared towards adults who take one of the four nine-hole courses to test their swing. My group was assigned to Clocktower, and the game was on.
The pretty game floor features neon-lit hazards like windmills and Ferris wheels. There's even a loop-de-loop to conquer. The shots are not as easy to make as you may think, but the cocktails you order on the course may give you the confidence to go for gold. I'm pleased to say that I made one hole-in-one! I lost out of my group, but only by two swings. We settled down to have a slice of pizza before visiting the carnival games upstairs. A little Skee-Ball, a few basketball hoops, and the water gun game got the blood flowing just enough to stay awake until flight time.
I sought fun and play in Las Vegas that did not involve gambling, and I found it in so many places. These places exceeded my expectations of taking me out of adult drudgery and letting me feel lighter of spirit just for a while. It wasn't just the experiences that achieved that, however. It was the people. Everyone I encountered was so nice, helpful, and friendly that it made me want to stay just one more night. Alas, it was time to move on back to answering emails, sitting in traffic, and cooking dinner. These memories won't stay in Vegas; they're coming with me, and the captain's hat.
