Offline Dating
Some singles have chosen to delete dating apps entirely and go back to traditional ways of making a match.
The digital age ushered in new ways to meet people near and far. Dating apps were a game changer, allowing a user to see people who were also looking for love. While those popular apps are being used by tons of people, there is a growing dissonance about digital dating as people think that the next best thing could just be a swipe away.
NOLA Speed Dating has been hosting events for nearly a year, and the meet-ups have only grown in popularity with those looking to make new connections. Organizer Hannah Wilson began NOLA Speed Dating in part due to her own frustration with dating apps and how they've changed the dating landscape.
"I was on the apps, and I started dating someone. I hard-launched him on Valentine's Day 2023, the day after Mardi Gras. By Friday, I got a 'Hey, girl' DM. We were dating for five, six months, and he was still on the dating apps chatting with girls. That's the origin of NOLA Speed Dating. I feel like this was the best-case scenario," Wilson explained.
While Wilson still uses dating apps and knows people who are still with significant others from dating apps, she feels that they have altered peoples' expectations about finding love or just making true connections to new people. "What's unfortunate is that dating app algorithms are designed to keep people on dating apps. You're swiping through people you don't like and staying on there longer because they make money the longer you're on there. You become desensitized from human connection."
Some daters may experience FOMO not swiping through singles due to this gamification of dating. "The boy I was dating—emphasis on the word 'boy'—was still waiting for the next best thing. People are always still looking, and it's created a lot of distrust."
Wilson has noticed that people are craving in-person interactions with other local singles, even though it can be nerve-wracking. "I think the best thing for people who are nervous to talk to people is to come to an event or two and you can blossom and become more confident. We've lost the art of just walking up to people and talking to them. If anyone's considering coming and they're nervous, please know that's totally normal."
NOLA Speed Dating hosts various events for straight and gay people in different age groups at bars around New Orleans. There are some success stories of people who began dating from an event, but that's not the only kind of connection that has been made. Wilson said, "People are also connecting on a friend level, which I think is amazing. People that they met during the breaks or when they're mingling before the event."
The New Orleans Pride Center has found success at creating connections in the queer community at singles mixers they began hosting in 2024. As opposed to a speed dating format, these mixers do not involve pairing off. Programming Committee Co-Chair and Board Member Kourtney Baker said, "What we've been doing is meeting at a coffee shop and having discussions with each other—like a happy hour, but more open ended discussions and conversation prompts. You can sit down and ask questions that we have listed, little conversation starter things. Often in the LGTBQ community, people tend to really pair up quickly, and it can be difficult to meet people that are also looking for partners."
The open format of the Pride Center's events allows people of all gender identities and sexualities to make connections free from stigma. "There's a lot of prejudiced people who don't want to date someone who's LGTBQ. That's something that makes it uniquely difficult for the queer population. You have so many identities and different things that people are looking for as far as what they're looking for in a partner. I think that our aim is just to be inclusive and allow people to come together. I think that a big difference with queer people versus heterosexual population is that it's a lot harder because there's so many different ways you can identify. It's harder to find partners that fit what you're looking for," Baker observed.
Baker has learned that the people who attend her events are "so over dating apps" and highly appreciate these mixers and other events that the Pride Center regularly hosts for either free or at low costs. "I definitely have the feedback that people are preferring in person over dating apps. The Pride Center has other events where you could potentially meet a partner, so for anyone who's on the LGTBQIA+ spectrum, or that's questioning their sexuality or gender, because those things are fluid and can evolve for anyone."
Dating can be daunting, especially when you feel that you're competing with an entire app full of people. But singles shouldn't give up hope. "If ever you feel frustrated from the dating game, take a break. It's only going to change how you view dating in that moment," offered Wilson. "Ultimately, dating is supposed to be fun. I know it can get stressful, and we put pressure on ourselves because society tells us we need to follow a timeline. You have to make it fun and focus on getting to know someone, not just checking off a list or task that the universe has given you."
