NOLA Spots for Mental Breakdowns
Maintaining emotional stability is hard, and it's a shame that we humans are expected to keep it together 24/7, even when our heartstrings are being pulled every which way.
Sometimes, we can't help but let a few tears out or crash out in public. So here's a list of the best places around the Big Easy to cry, scream, or even punch a tree without too much disturbance.
The Tree of Life in Audubon Park
The Tree of Life is a very peaceful environment, surrounded with plenty of benches that assure that no bumbling old man will sit next to you. Also, if you need to get some anger out, the tree is just waiting for your fists, but there's no guarantee that you won't need a trip to the ER. Additionally it's far enough from the Fly/Mississippi River that if you do get that urge, hopefully the walk is long enough to calm yourself down before you reconsider all of your life choices.
The St. Charles Streetcar at Midnight
The beauty of the streetcar is that it's a very romantic place to shed some tears. Also, all of the seats face forward, so you should be able to avoid onlookers. While it's typically pretty empty at night, if you need more privacy, act like a tourist and gaze out the window at the beautiful mansions passing by on St. Charles. Just don't let your envy for the well-to-do of New Orleans drive you to an even darker place.
The Walmart on Tchopitoulas
Home to the infamous "Wally World" music video and various parking lot dwelling guinea fowl, crying in the sporting equipment aisle of the Tchopitoulas Street Walmart will surely not be in the top five strangest things the workers see that day—or even that hour. While you're there, pick up some ice cream and cookie dough to take your pity party home and continue the fun.
The Banks of the Mississippi in the French Quarter
If you do believe in the healing power of water, the French Quarter is probably the safest place to go because there's a railing separating you from oblivion. Watch the Mississippi River's current wash away all of your woes. Just try to avoid going to Bourbon to get a Hand Grenade as that will only bring more emotional shrapnel to your already precarious situation.
Carousel Gardens at City Park
Feel your tears fly away as you soar through the sky on Carousel Gardens' Ladybug Roller Coaster. The suffocating weight of other passengers on the Musik Express will surely get your mind off the suffocating weight of existence for at least the duration of the ride. Take it to the carousel to watch happy families and their children enjoy New Orleans' premier amusement park to pour salt on the wound and make you feel even worse about yourself.
New Orleans Museum of Art
After you're finished at Carousel Gardens, hit NOMA for some peace and quiet. Loud wailing will not be tolerated there, but if you can keep your composure to a couple silent tears, you can go to Christ on the Cross between the Virgin and St. John the Evangelist to see your own pain reflected and remind yourself that you too have suffered like Jesus. Just don't let your tenuous mind wander into a full Renaissance painting existential spiral.
The Back Patio at Ms. Mae's
It's best to keep your tears to a minimum at Ms. Mae's, but if you're the "drown your sorrows in a strong drink" type, you're sure to find some other patrons willing to indulge you in your misery. And you never have to worry about last call. If you're awake, Ms. Mae's is there for you. Ask to bum a cigarette, even though you promised your wife to never smoke again. If your fellow drinkers bring your spirit up, you can close out the night with a game of air hockey or pool.
Louis Armstrong International Airport
While the old airport was possibly one of the worst places to have a mental breakdown, as the worn out surroundings would surely worsen your mood, the new airport has big, tall windows to watch planes take off as you soar through emotional highs and lows. Drinking is also always better at an airport, and time doesn't exist in that liminal place. If other passengers ask you what's wrong, tell them your fiancé just left for a six-month work assignment in some small European country to garner some sympathy.
With this list in hand, feel free to lose your s**t at any of the places mentioned. After letting go of your sanity in public, rather than in the safety of your bed, your shoulders will feel lighter without the weight of social expectation and standards holding you down. Tear this page out to keep in your back pocket in case any emotional disturbances arise and you need a good spot to release your anguish.
