Father's Day really hit me hard this year. The relationship I had with my Father was sick and abusive -- all because I'm gay and he was a raging alcoholic. I spent my whole life trying to prove to him that I am a good person and that I wasn't born gay just to annoy him.
Through hard work and determination I managed to complete my education and make a great life for myself, traveling the world, counseling teens with things I struggled with in life. I try to stay in touch with my family, especially my siblings, whom have not fared as well in life.
A few months ago my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer and who knows what else. I realize this chapter in my life is now permanently closed. The problem I have is with the dreams I have with him where he's just standing there -- it's quite unsettling. I wake up immediately and cannot go back to sleep. Each time I feel upset, anxious and scared. Needless to say, the dream stays with me for a couple of days. I don't like dreaming with him and feeling this way. It's really getting in the way of my moving forward.
I know my childhood was pretty bad, but I do believe that things happen for a reason and now that my father is gone I wish only that he finds peace.
I would appreciate any advice or just a dream interpretation. My goal is to continue to heal and one day adopt a child of my own, so that I can create a loving family of my own.
I just want to first start by saying how much I admire you. In spite of all the abuse and negativity growing up, you had enough love for yourself to overcome your hardships and not let your abusive upbringing hold you back. That is so commendable.
First I'd like to address your spiritual journey question: If you believe that everything happens for a reason and that we're all here to grow and learn, then you'll be receptive to how a Divine Blueprint or a life's plan works.
This plan is created through the agreement of your eternal soul with its guides and teachers under the overall direction of divine intelligence.
Your Divine Blueprint spells out who /what you are: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. More importantly, it specifies your foundation and what kind of family you'll have and what type of experience will drive you forward. This life plan holds the overall shape of your life, including your assignments and the resources you have to fulfill those assignments.
Your Divine Blueprint spells out who /what you are: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Now you're probably wondering -- is coming into this world and having challenges like being battered and abused, or even being born with physical or medical issues part of the plan? And the truth is, I cannot give you a complete answer, but what I do feel is, if you are able to overcome pain and struggle from your childhood, you can form the basis for what you teach or how you help others overcome similar situations. Empathy helps mold wonderful therapists, or anyone in an occupation involving healing of the soul. I don't know many people in my field that didn't have to overcome major hardships growing up. I hope you will continue following your spiritual path and help heal children who need support and guidance, and who would otherwise turn to a darker path for escape.
Now I'd like to address your dream. I believe that in our sleep state our skeptic mind takes a backseat for a while and it's then that we are receptive to spontaneous clairvoyance and mediumship. Your dream doesn't sound like your typical healing "visitation" dream, where the deceased is surrounded with light or vibrant colors and the message is clear that they are OK and there's no need to worry. Unfortunately, it's also typical to have dreams with the deceased that hurt us and made our lives miserable. These types of dreams are a combination of unfinished business and unresolved pain coming from both of you. Your Father coming through and standing there sending negative energy and causing you anxiety is not okay in my opinion. He is looking to connect but is clearly not able to do this in a loving way yet. He didn't know how to treat you with love in this life, and chances are he's not evolved enough spiritually to convey that now, wherever he may be. You need to take control of the situation and continue to send him peace while you're awake and right before you go to sleep. I'd also like you to light a white candle, as a symbol of the peace you want for your Father and continue to wish him well. In the end, we control everything, and in the Spirit world we can unmake anything we make. So, if this is how he's connecting with you and it makes you uneasy and downright frightened, then put an end to it.
You're a good person Philip, and your Father had plenty of opportunities to make it right with you, but he chose Hate instead of Love. You tried your best.
Now it's time to create a new identity for yourself. Instead of being the man who spent his life trying to convince his Father he's worth loving, you are a man that ...( fill in the blanks).
Have a question for Aidi Kansas? Aidi addresses readers’ questions in her column, “New Orleans Spirit Guide,” published every other Tuesday on WhereYat.com. You can reach out to her through her Facebook page.