There are certain things you simply shouldn’t do after a certain age. Sometimes because of one’s deterioration of their physical ability, like playing tackle football at age 70. Other times it can be because of lack of knowledge of new things like social media or smartphones, like how my mom needs help every time her wifi disconnects, even though I show her how to fix it every. single. time. And sometimes one gets too old to do certain things simply because whatever that thing may be simply caters to the wants and needs of younger generations, and one might not fit in if they’re over a certain age. It might make for some confusion, like a 40 year old man playing on a jungle gym with a bunch of six-year-olds while his kids are at home and he doesn’t work for a summer camp. Here are a few things you should try to check off the bucket list I’m making for you before you get too old to do them.
Party at The Boot With Drunk College Kids
Even as a college student who enjoys an occasional ‘Boot night’, The Boot often strikes me as overly rowdy, sweaty, and hormonal. That’s kind of the charm of the place in some weird way, though. With huge slices of pizza available to soak up those 15 shots you just did with a 21-year-old frat boy, this bar is the epitome of college bars. Leave it to New Orleans to spawn a bar with this level of debauchery and craziness. However, if you were to meander on over there before about 8 p.m., you’d probably find a more laid-back and relaxed atmosphere with college-aged kids sitting in groups at tables drinking mixed drinks and smoking cigarettes, conversing calmly, waiting for the insanity to begin.
Drink All Night Monday and Stay Up Until the Fat Tuesday Parade During Mardi Gras
If you’ve been here for at least a year, I’m going to go ahead and assume you’ve been through at least one Mardi Gras. Most of the parades start in the late afternoon or early evening, but the last parade of them all begins at 8 a.m. on the last Tuesday, called Fat Tuesday. Every year in college people attempt to go to the Monday parades, and then party all night and into the morning and stay up until it’s time to go downtown to the morning parade. The majority of them end up passing out from fatigue and intoxication, but I was able to do it one year, and boy was it worth it. It’s fairly indescribable, but it’s a mix of mostly locals who actually went to bed at a reasonable hour to wake up and participate along with the occasional group of droopy-eyed, half-drunk, half-hungover young adults trying to stand up. Being a part of the latter group is a lot more fun than I just made it out to seem.
Go To The Running of The Bulls and Actually Run With Them
Let me start by saying that they aren’t real bulls. Otherwise I wouldn’t recommend this. The Running of The Bulls is a beloved annual event in New Orleans when everyone (as usual) gets drunk, but (also as usual), there’s some weird twist involved. Roller Derby-ers get on their roller skates and skate after people, smacking them with wiffle ball bats. Some people actually run, which makes the experience a whole lot more fun and exciting, but a lot of people just choose to walk, or even just stand on the sidelines and watch. Nothing wrong with that, but if you’re spry enough and sober enough to run without getting hurt, it’s something you should definitely try. Don’t worry, the bats are hollow plastic, they don’t use real bats.
Try the Cheese Fries at F&M’s Patio Bar
Okay, this one I suppose you could do at any age, but your cholesterol levels will be less than likely to thank you if you’re over a certain age. This bar is kind of a mix between a college bar and a local’s bar; on Thursday nights during the school year, it is 100% a college bar, but other nights you can find it to be more relaxing and less juvenile. Anyway, their cheese fries are a staple of their cuisine (it’s the only food they serve) and they are dee-licious. Completely stuffed with cheese, along with basically whatever else you’d want like bacon and chili and ranch sauce, they’re a completely delicious but not completely healthy choice if you find yourself at F&M’s.
Go to Any College Or University Here
I’m only half joking here. Most people are past that stage in their life. Additionally, college ain’t cheap. But going to school in this beautiful, amazing city, especially in your late teens and early 20s is crazy fun. It’s hard to find the time and motivation to get all the work done, but as long as you’re able to balance your time decently, you’d have a great time. So, if you’re one of the few people reading this who still is considering that option, consider no more. I’ll make the decision for you. It’s a yes. Or at least take a gap year and come here.
Buy a Bottle of Diesel 190 Proof and Finish it With No More Than Three Friends
Yes, you read that right. 190 proof alcohol. 95%. It’s disgusting, so you’re going to need something to mix or chase it with. Please don’t try drinking it straight, it’ll make your lips crack. This is the stuff frat boys use to pour into their jungle juice – a concoction of extra-cheap, extra-strong liquor mixed with Kool-Aid or some other cheap juice. But if you’re able to polish off a liter, or even a fifth of this stuff with just a couple friends, especially if you’re over the age of 25, that’s pretty damn impressive. Just remember to pace yourself. And when you wake up the morning after, try not to blame me too much for the decision.
