[Michael Fenton/Unsplash]

Texas Chainsaw 3D

00:00 January 21, 2013
By: David Vicari
[Courtesy of Lionsgate]

In Texas Chainsaw 3D, there are plenty of visual nods to the classic 1974 original, but so what? This is yet another lousy cash-in on the name of a great, iconic horror fi lm. There are a few killings by way of chainsaw, as you would expect, but is chock-full of dubious acting and pedestrian dialogue, and has a story that isn't even well thought-out.

The story concerns one Heather Miller (the luscious Alexandra Daddario) and the discovery that she is actually a blood relative of the sawyer clan. You know, the sawyers, that lovable bunch of barbeque cooking, chainsaw-wielding killers from Texas. so, Heather inherits the old, spooky sawyer mansion, and it comes equipped with a Leatherface (Dan Yeager) in the basement. she brings along three friends to check the place out. Too bad for them.

Now, the fi lm's timeline makes zero sense. We see an infant Heather taken from her family of crazies in 1974, directly after the events from the fi rst fi lm. Then, the story is brought up to 2012. i'm no mathematician, but that would make Heather 38 years old. However, actress Daddario is 26-years-old (probably younger during fi lming) and looks it.

Also, one character just disappears from the proceedings without explanation...or decapitation. That's just bad fi lmmaking.

There is an interesting twist in the fi nal act where the lines between the good guys and the bad begin to blur, but it is too little, too late. For my money, the best chainsaw sequel is still the wild and woolly satirical Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 from 1986. However, this latest attempt can "lick my plate"!

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