I've been signed up on the dating app OkCupid for nearly six months now, and I've met some okay guys, been on a few dates, but I can't tell you how many bad messages I get; I'm never sure if the sender realizes how bad they are or thinks it will truely catch my attention and flatter me. My inbox is swelling to it's fullest point, mostly with well wishes and pleas to respond back, but stuck between those are the awful things that women have to hear from desperate men. Here's a sampling of my worst messages in all of their creepy, misspelled glory; men take note: women don't like this!
"20 questions! Think of a person, place or thing and I'll guess what it is. Be forewarned, I rock at this game." That seems like a lot of work.
"So I recently got to watch Shia LeBeouf get pepper sprayed." Interesting?
"You seem like you would be very fun and intelligent woman, and I have to say am intrigued. I happen to be intelligent, fun, and intriguing in my own right." Well, I have to say that I can't believe that because of the missing words in your message.
"Pretty sure that you're my dream girl." Then keep on dreaming, buddy.
"You are sexy. I want to please you. Text me. I bet you have amazing breast." I do, but you'll never know.
"So what are you looking for?" Not you, sorry.
"It's funny - just last night I was telling a friend how I need someone crazy/fun enough to go out dancing, chill enough to snuggle up with movies, and sophisticated enough to go to fundraiser events. Reading your stuff- sounds like you can cover those modest demands." I'm so happy you approve of me!!! Not.
"I am new here looking for an Honest woman who knows I might be the right man for you." Why would you assume I'm honest?
"Dam what would I have to do to be your man." Be a different man.
"Hi How are you?" "Well I'm deleting this crap, huge waste of time. Have a kick ass life." Oh, I will.
"Hey bb whats ure number im hotllol. U wear makeup u ugly hahaha" Block.
"300? To sit on my face for a few minutes." Not a prostitue, try Craigslist.
"Been looking for a new younger girl to spoil. Also, are you into role playing?" "OK I give up." Thanks for that last part.
"Hiya! Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or one dozen duck-sized horses?" I don't think that I care.
"Oh LAWD that shit eating grin and those mischievious eyes..." I don't really take that as complimentary.
"Hi, I'm 36, married, and live in Covington. I'm looking for someone who is interested in discreet, casual fun with no strings attached." Is this ashleymadison.com?
"Are you interested in black men?" I'm interested in having normal conversations first, period.
"If you knew someone and he wanted to wear a chastity device and wanted you to have the keys, would you take them?" For a fee, yes.
"Fucking love the way you do your eyes" Thanks, me too. Block.
"I would worship and obey you." My dog already does that.
