[Article content retrieved by Where Y'at Magazine Staff]

Not a Football Fan? 10 Ways to Make Football Fun

10:05 August 25, 2017
By: Julie Mitchell

Do you hate football, but need to be around it constantly because of who’s in your life and where you live? Here are some things you can do to enjoy a football game because, let’s be honest, football is not going anywhere!

  1. Imagine all the players are gay. Who’s secretly in love with whom? Playing to pay off vintage clothing collections? Owns a large cat? Most of these things are also true about the players anyway, regardless of sexual orientation.
  2. Assign each player a famous historical character. Act as though the plays are personal attacks and give them motivations. Why does Marie Curie keep tackling Harriet Tubman? Why is Shakespeare such a little bitch about throw-ins?
  3. Find all their wives and girlfriends online. Imagine their book club meetings and séances. Who are you rooting for? Create a bracket.
  4. Add the jerseys together! Which players make prime numbers?
  5. Write a screenplay about the security guards. What are their dreams? Who have they killed?
  6. Find the birthdays, then horoscopes for each player. Do they only throw to other Scorpios? Are the Geminis all ball hogs? Coaches too!
  7. Photoshop different hairstyles onto all the players. Isn’t a world without gender norms more interesting?
  8. Make anagrams of all the names on one team. What messages from the devil are hidden in there?
  9. Write fan fiction about the mascots. What adventures will a raven and a pirate go on? Will a white sock be there? Maybe all mascots hang out together regardless of sport. Maybe that’s a division that we put on them.
  10. When all else fails, eat the tortilla chips. 
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