17:00 February 08, 2016
By: Staff

"Hi everybody! My name is B.o.B. You may remember me from that one song about airplanes I did, like, seven years ago. I have never studied astronomy, typography, astrophysics, or any other silliness that relies on 'methods' or 'evidence.' But I'm here today to tell you that the earth is flat. Wanna know how I know? Well, using the latest in geographic mapping technology, Instagram, I have seen with my own two eyes that cities miles behind my selfies look level. Now I have no idea what it means that my phone's lens has a narrow range of focus, or that it corrects landscapes to have straight lines, but I do know that Neil Armstrong couldn't tag his followers in the moon landing footage. How do we know that it was really him up there if it didn't come from his certified personal account? 

"Don't believe me? Well, fellow celebrity-thinker Tila Tequila (she had a MTV reality show around the same time people remembered who I was) has also seen the truth. She even made the hashtag #flatearth a thing on Twitter.

Several 'scientists' have gotten all butt-hurt by my genius because they're too old for Insta, and have tried to tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. Listen to me call them out on my new single, 'Flatline,' on sale now."

"Seriously though, no one knows who I am anymore. I (hopefully) don't really believe the Earth is flat, but I need money so please buy my single."

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