Chelsea Handler Handles New Orleans

00:00 May 19, 2014
By: David Vicari

The Mahalia Jackson hosted a packed show full of eclectic faces for comedian, author, and talk show hostess (Chelsea Lately on E!) Chelsea Handler (credentials also include affiliation with 50 cent) and her opening act Chris Fanjola (also a writer on Chelsea Lately). The performance was prequel-ed with a slideshow of photos from Chelsea's adventures on safari, on a ski trip, and drinking in general before Franjola took the stage, leading a discussion on gender and ageism. Adam (age: 36) and Jenna (age: 21) were the subject of Franjola's first jabs. Namely, where had Adam been while Jenna was listening to Khia's 2002 hit "My Neck, My Back"? Was Adam familiar with the song? Did Adam know that there was a show called "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" that was in its THIRD season? Had he heard the song "What Does the Fox Say"? Franjola assured Adam that Jenna had. Also, what was Adam's opinion on the BJ epidemic sweeping America's high schools? Why weren't the Jenna's of Adam and Franjola's generation sending more naked selfies? And how do you take a selfie of your own ass anyway? You see, back in Franjola's time, he had to send those nudey pics to get developed. 1. Awkward. 2. Sucks to be you, Franjola. Franjola ended with some negative things to say about Chicago, namely the backwoods strip club "The Shitty Titty" and the Chocolate Sauce on the walls of his hotel room. He was further disappointed that the Latina girl working at the 24 hour convenience store told him to use the self-checkout for his late-night frozen burritos and didn't recognize him. Worst of all, his night in Chicago ended with a hotel party that sadly only included 2 homeless (male) bums and a slipper he found in the parking lot. Yum. Chocolate sauce.

Chels was up next and she looked bangin' as usual. Dressed in all black, she told the audience that she went to Uganda to see where Rappers come from. She brought along her possie which included an uptight Jew named Hannah who was much too needy/worried about privacy and her lesbian lawyer who she lives with (she is currently trying to help this person find love through internet dating). Primary concerns on the trip were how to take meds and drink at the same time which is understandable. She also mentioned that she spent the first part of the trip popping a squat (there were photos of this), but that later they brought her her own bathroom. On the flight from Uganda to the Bahamas, she was flirting with a hottie in first class when a bag of labeled pills as well as a bag labeled "clean panties" fell out of her carry-on. She blamed this on her younger assistant who got in the habit of labeling things for her (like telephone) when she had to come to Chelsea's house on a Sunday because there was a Caesar salad, iPhone, and undies in the microwave (both the labeled phone and microwave were also pictured). This launched into a slew of pictures of Chelsea partying (including nudie pics!) and one photo of 3 super old men gettin' it in. When Chelsea got to the Bahamas she accidently took a shadoobie in her bikini which got incredibly messy from the sounds of it (thanks for nothing Uganda). Luckily a helpful man gave her a canoe so that she could clean-up out in the open waters.

All in all the performance at the Mahalia Friday night was hilarious and paired perfectly with Vodka. Chelsea stayed behind after the show to sign her book, "Uganda be Kidding Me" which is collection of travel essays from her trip and the third book published by her production company "Borderline Amazing." Her first book, "My Horizontal Life," was published by Bloomsbury and sold over a million copies in 20 countries. Looking for a good time? Hit the bookstore! For best results add booze while reading.

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