[Karen Zhao/Unsplash]

The Lords of Salem

00:00 April 29, 2013
By: David Vicari

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[Courtesy of Anchor Bay Films]
The Lords of Salem is a terrible movie. First and foremost, it is deadeningly dull. It's like sitting through a version of Michelangelo Antonioni's Red Desert with a Satanic twist.

This latest shallow and contrived crap-fest from writer/director Rob Zombie (House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects) is a horror thriller starring (surprise!) his wife, Sheri Moon Zombie. Here, Mrs. Zombie plays an obnoxious, bespectacled, dreads-sporting disc jockey in Salem, Massachusetts who receives a mysterious record through the mail from a supposed band named The Lords. She plays it on the air and it causes female listeners to go into a sort of trance. It also causes the DJ to have terrifying hallucinations. We get images of faceless priests stroking themselves off, a dead, bloody baby nailed to a cross, and lots of naked old women.

What seems to be going on is that the descendants of a 17 th when they are unveiled as if they are supposed to be a surprise, it's laughable. As for his direction, Zombie gets all arty and pretentious like he did in his unwatchable Halloween II (2009), which is just irritating.

reminds me of low-rent century coven of witches junk like Messiah of Evil (1973) or Devil Times Five are making good on a curse. A local author, (1974), so if it was Zombie's intention to make played by Bruce Davison, has his suspicions and a bad '70s fi lm, then he succeeded with fl ying starts doing his own investigation into Salem's colors. A movie has to be really bad for people to witchy past. leave before it ends. I counted four walk-outs at The story revelations in Rob Zombie's the Lords of Salem showing I attended. screenplay are so obvious from the get-go that

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