Stupid, OKCupid, Stop Messaging Me

00:00 January 01, 1970

A lot has been said about putting yourself on the virtual market, so on the first day of this new year, I decided to take the plunge. I knew going into it that I might actually meet someone I like and I knew that strange things would happen, or strange people would happen. And here are my Top 16 Messages from my dating site account. 

1. This is literally the second message I got when I signed up within minutes of getting on the site. If you say you're not going to bite someone, it usually means you are going to bite someone. And I really don't want some random dude's teeth digging into me at any time. 


2. This is literally the third message I got. How can one know that we would be a great couple from reading a few sentences? Because you think I'm perfect, of course. Which I find presumptuous because I'm far from that. 


2.5 Also very presumptuous. And I'm pretty sure I can make you regret ever thinking that. 

                                   Stupid, OKCupid, Stop Messaging Me

3. I know you have no way of knowing this, but I say no to people who use words like "chill," "gangsta," and " rockstar" as adjectives. 

                                   Stupid, OKCupid, Stop Messaging Me

4. One of the many, many men who post photos of their "ripped" torsos. I'm not against a goody body, but it always seems like that's all they have to offer. This guy even uses that in his initial contact with me. And I responded honestly. He never replied back which confirms my belief. 

                                   Stupid, OKCupid, Stop Messaging Me

5. I rather liked this one. I responded then never heard back. :(

6. I'm really exhausted. 

7. I actually enjoyed talking to this guy (and he had a boat!), but he deactivated his account sometime after this conversation. Perhaps he got hauled off to jail after all. 

8. Yes?

9. If you don't take two seconds to read my profile, I don't want to talk to you. My photos are not my brain. I was honest, albeit annoyed with him, but I really don't think he gave the correst response back anyway. 

10. This was the first thing you sent me. I didn't even turn you down yet for you to ask for a chance. 

11. Sadly, he'll never know. 

12. I'm going to say that you actually don't. 

13. I'm perfect all by myself, thanks though. 

14. I'm just going to let this speak for itself. 

15. Short answer for a short question: no. 

16. It was not sufficient. 

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