When a person finds out I review movies, they think it is supremely cool – and most of the time it is cool. However, there are those other times when I am trapped watching a rotten movie. So, here is one more dig at those bad movies that I suffered through in 2016.
10. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice – The battle between the comic book heroes is a dour, unfocused affair that seems to mainly be concerned with showing off digitally created property destruction.
9. Ghostbusters – I have no problem with an all-female remake of the classic 1984 special effects comedy. I do have a problem when it's lazy and doesn't generate laughs.
8. The Neon Demon – Aspiring models in L.A. have a real hunger to get ahead in the biz. Pretentiously arty thriller about vanity desperately wants to ape David Lynch.
7. Bite – After being bitten by an insect on her bachelorette getaway, a young woman (Elma Begovic) begins to transform into an insect herself. Ripoff of David Cronenberg's The Fly (1986) with all the gooey gore but without the smarts.
6. Blair Witch – Soulless rehash of the clever 1999 “found footage” horror movie gives us another group of college kids getting lost in a haunted forest, but this time they have digital equipment. There are no scared here, but lots of unintended laughs.
5. Fender Bender – Psychopath (Bill Sage) rear ends coeds and exchanges information to get their home address so he can go to their house later and murder them. This retro slasher film is pretty much like the terrible '80s slasher flicks that it is emulating – illogical, dumb and mean-spirited, and there's a whiny heroine (Makenzie Vega) at the center.
4. Bad Santa 2 – Cash grab sequel with Billy Bob Thornton reprising his role as the crude department store Santa. Filthy dialog, gross-out sight gags, little else.
3. Yoga Hosers – Two teenage yoga enthusiasts (Lily-Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith) battle Canadian Nazi creatures that are made of bratwurst and who are out to kill critics of art. This is clearly director Kevin Smith's revenge on critics who trashed his lesser films, but instead of approaching it in a sly way, he slaps together unrelated elements in a desperate attempt to be hip and quirky. It's so incompetently made that what Smith has written here can't possibly be legally called a screenplay.
2. 31 – Redneck carnies are forced to run through a deadly maze in order to live. Rob Zombie directs, 'nuff said?
1. Demolition – I hate this movie even more now then when I first saw it early in 2016. To grieve the loss of his wife, an investment banker (Jake Gyllenhaal) begins to dismantle bathroom stall doors and refrigerators, then eventually demolishes his house. This “whimsical” seriocomedy about dealing with loss is horribly misguided. It even decides to vilify the deceased to let the main character's odd behavior off the hook. Demolition rings false from start to finish.
